Death/Rebirth By Cheetah

For the longest time, Cheetah has been a sort of totem of mine, as well as a guide and representation of an intimate relationship with another. To get into detail in an open forum such as this would be telling, but needless to say that relationship came to a rather bitter close for me, and it left me with mixed feelings of sadness, regret and even betrayal. I should note that I tend not to deal with my emotions in healthy manners–I run from them alot. I lie to myself, and when I can’t do that, I’ll drink or do something stupid. Anyway, I had somehow felt Cheetah had lied to me–but now I realize that perhaps it was I misinterpreting her intentions in appearing to me. Things fairly recently became clear to me in a meditative state where I encountered Cheetah again in what I can only describe as a sort of out-of-body experience, which I will relate below.

This all happened in a sort of slow-motion sequence, with a shifting of perspectives. One of the methods I use for meditation is to play music on my iPod and allow myself to kick back and ‘let it happen’ as it where. The song playing at the time of this occurence was Frou Frou’s ‘Let Go’–which I find ironic, seeing as it was a song that my ex had introduced me to as a way of telling me to just ‘let go’ and allow myself to come to terms with my emotions. Cry alittle, not let it become all bottled up. Anyway, I found myself in a deep desert. There was a wind, whipping dust in my face. It reminded me of an African savannah in the height of drought-season, and I wondered how any creature could survive in harsh conditions. Sitting before me on a small rise was Cheetah with marblised markings on her fur like the king cheetah, hunched low and regarding me with an air of deep thought and concentration. There was dead silence–just the wind and my rushed breathing. Her brilliant eyes burned into my face almost accusingly, I felt like I’d wither under her stare–but even still I began to yell at her, telling her that she fucking lied to me, and why the fuck would she lie to me. She stood up, and I could hear her voice in my head–the first time she ever ’spoke’ with a human voice, one that sounded in my mind.
The only lies that where ever told issued from your own heart. Each stripe on my back represents the weight you carried alone, and the stripes on my face represent the tears you left unshed. Let go. Surrender yourself, and live.
At that moment a strange feeling that even now I can’t describe came over me. My arms, formally up with my hands balled into fists in a defensive gesture typical of the angry, slumped down at my sides. My hands open, palms out like a fucking dominionist seeking rapture, my eyes closed. Cheetah lept then, she lept right at me, and there was a wet-snapping sound that went off like a gunshot as she bit into my throat, whipping my head back and snapping my neck. I then watched as she proceeded to consume my body, and yet at the same time I felt myself becoming one with her. I’m frustrated, because some of this genuinely goes beyond description. What happened next was she laid down in the desert and gave birth to me again, and let me suckle at her breasts, and I seemed to go through a rapid childhood which at the same time seemed almost endless, and by the time the song was over I felt as if I had been hit by a freight train, I was shaking all over and my eyes where glazed like I was crying, something that doesn’t happen too often with me.

Motherfucking wild.