Of Lab Equipment, Cars, and Colloids

This is an awesome little gadget, great for anyone who has little space or money (like myself). Okay, well Crucible.org has it listed at $39.99, which comparitively isn’t that bad compared to full lab distillation kits which can go anywhere from $150 and up. I have my eye on it for next time I have any extra spending money (which means not anytime soon)…and extra space. I have absolutely no surface space left that isn’t already filled with books, more books, miscellaneous junk, and accomodations for a very cranky female rat. And while I’m on the topic of cheap lab equipment, I’m still jotting down notes for my Redneck Alchemist’s Handbook, in which I plan on writing down tips and tricks for cheap but efficient spagyric work for other poor white trash alchemists such as myself.

Speaking of not enough money, I have a new car, a 1995 silver Pontiac Firebird. Well, to be more specific, it was a car that belonged to my father (and my younger brother before he switched it out for the Buick). Our family has way too many cars, and since my dad already has the ‘67 Thunderbird he’s working on, and I’m the only one in the family really lacking a nice car (the cars I owned beforehand where old beatup Volvos and a Saturn inherited from my deceased grandfather), he gave me the Firebird, and took both the Volvo and the Saturn off my hands. Here’s a picture of what it looks like:

Now this isn’t the exact car in the photo, but its identical to the one I own now. I guess I’ll take pictures eventually. Its sleek form and silver coloration reminds me of quicksilver, and given its swiftness on the road, I gave it a very apt name…Hermes. Lord of the road. In May I plan on working some techno-mojo on it to formally connect it with its name and whatnot. I guess I’ll write out what I did when its all said and done.

In other news…working with colloidal metals, and I am a bit miffed with the current sample I recieved. Honestly, this was a poor specimen and given that it was allegedly produced by other alchemists, I expected better. First off, they bottled it in a glass bottle, which causes the particles to clump and bind to the glass. They also listed it at 10+ ppm, when given the color and tinge of the water (a pale blue/purple) the particles are suspended in, it seems to me more like 200nm clusters, not particles, since the larger the clusters the more they scatter red and yellow light (creating blue or purple), where smaller particles scatter green and yellow light (creating a ruby red color depending on concentration) more efficiently (yey Tindall Effect). You know, once I do more reading and am more educated on this–and also when I’m not so poor, I should invest in some electrodes and try this out for myself. Heh, but I don’t see this happening anytime soon. And yes–I do intend on telling these people just exactly how hardcore their product sucked. But thankfully I found another place that offers a finer quality for a better price that I can actually do some work with until I have the time, space, resources and funding to make my own for myself.

Anyway, I suppose I’m finished my bitching for the moment. Its about time for me to go fix some food and get some stuff done before work. With any luck, I can have some writing finished this weekend

Therianthropy How-to?

Here is a nice ebook on shifting and therianthropy written by Lupa. Good for any therian who chooses to take a more magical approach to their therianthropy. A good substitute for the ‘Therian Bible’ bullshit that seems to be circulating around, though in the end the best ‘how-to’ for this sort of thing is oneself. That said, still well worth the read, and should prove to be a useful tool for those still seeking to locate their tails with both hands (paws?).

I myself take multiple views on my therianthropy at once. I’m even holding to a lesser extent a genetic theory, as my father exhibited (and still does) strong therianthropic (or shall I say, cynanthropic) leanings. I had not known this until well into my ‘awakening’ as it where–one of many bombshells dropped by my mother who herself has strange bursts of behavior I can only describe with a ‘what the fuck..?’

I should have something more worthwhile to note here, but I don’t. I suppose that will come later.

Oh, this is appropriate…

Re-reading Thom F. Cavalli’s Alchemical Psychology and I came across a perfect quote that I could have mentioned in my previous entry. This quote was taken from historian Cherry Gilchrist’s work Alchemy (I THINK I own this one too, not sure) where she says:

Mainstream alchemy is a discipline involving physical, psychological and spiritual work, and if any one of these elements is taken out of context and said to represent the alchemical tradition, then the wholeness and true quality of alchemy is lost.

Speaking of Dr. Cavalli, I think he’ll be one of the speakers at The International Alchemy Conference. Actually, he is, and the list of speakers can be found here. With any luck, I might actually make it, dirt-fucking-poor that I am.

I’d post something of more substance, but I’m worn out after work. I think I might just pass out in my book.

Well, I did it

I gone and got myself published in a webzine.

Well, its a start. I have more stuff on the back burner I need to get fleshed out.

Speaking of which, I must have had my head shoved way far up my ass to have missed this article. I must say I like it, and I do agree that ‘true alchemy’ isn’t just laboratory work…but it does involve work. It isn’t just a spectator sport, from my experience. I do perform some minor spagyric work and experimentation here and there however, though my skills aren’t where I’d like them to be. I’m working on this though.

Salvia, entheogens, and my opinions

So I took advantage of IAmShaman.com’s sale on salvia and scored myself an ounce of oaxacan prime harvest. I’m really pleased, because places like SageWisdom.com charge exhorbitant prices for the same damn thing. I tested the waters a bit by taking a couple leaves as a chew, and the only effect being that I felt a heightened sense of things. Textures where far more apparent than usual. It was interesting. In any case, I think I’m going to find myself a nice menstruum and start making tinctures from these leaves. Speaking of which, I really should invest in some distillation equipment and some filters. In the meantime, I’ll squirrel everything away until my ducks are in a row.

That said, I’m not the type of person that depends solely on entheogens for heightened experiences. Shit, I’ve gotten high simply on my own momentum alone. I’m the type of person that really doesn’t need these sorts of things to achieve gnosis. Ever since I was a child, one of my coping mechanisms for dealing with stress was turning on my walkman, rocking back and forth and slipping into a meditative state, wriggling out of my body and ‘going somewhere else’ for awhile. I’m also a bit of a synesthete, words, colors and patterns already jump out at me like I’m some sort of junkie on a bad trip–and this is just how my brain is wired. However, I never try to hamstring myself to new experiences. I experimented with pot in Jersey, but it wasn’t ever something I was addicted to. I won’t deny in saying that I enjoyed it yes, but it isn’t something I crave or obsess over, or need to reach heightened levels of consciousness. I try to expand my horizons whenever possible, but I try to set reasonable limits for myself just the same.

With the right tune, the right attitude and the right frame of mind, I can achieve my escape velocity with no help. In fact, one of the most effective ways for me to achieve gnosis is my iPod–it has proven to be an excellent tool for this sort of thing, and at least one other person reading this has attested to the wonders of iPodmancy. They are indeed useful gadgets. I should start finding recordings of wild dogs howling to include on my iPod…I find they’re quite potent when it comes to certain workings…then again this should come to no surprise, those of you reading this who know me well enough.

Death/Rebirth By Cheetah

For the longest time, Cheetah has been a sort of totem of mine, as well as a guide and representation of an intimate relationship with another. To get into detail in an open forum such as this would be telling, but needless to say that relationship came to a rather bitter close for me, and it left me with mixed feelings of sadness, regret and even betrayal. I should note that I tend not to deal with my emotions in healthy manners–I run from them alot. I lie to myself, and when I can’t do that, I’ll drink or do something stupid. Anyway, I had somehow felt Cheetah had lied to me–but now I realize that perhaps it was I misinterpreting her intentions in appearing to me. Things fairly recently became clear to me in a meditative state where I encountered Cheetah again in what I can only describe as a sort of out-of-body experience, which I will relate below.

This all happened in a sort of slow-motion sequence, with a shifting of perspectives. One of the methods I use for meditation is to play music on my iPod and allow myself to kick back and ‘let it happen’ as it where. The song playing at the time of this occurence was Frou Frou’s ‘Let Go’–which I find ironic, seeing as it was a song that my ex had introduced me to as a way of telling me to just ‘let go’ and allow myself to come to terms with my emotions. Cry alittle, not let it become all bottled up. Anyway, I found myself in a deep desert. There was a wind, whipping dust in my face. It reminded me of an African savannah in the height of drought-season, and I wondered how any creature could survive in harsh conditions. Sitting before me on a small rise was Cheetah with marblised markings on her fur like the king cheetah, hunched low and regarding me with an air of deep thought and concentration. There was dead silence–just the wind and my rushed breathing. Her brilliant eyes burned into my face almost accusingly, I felt like I’d wither under her stare–but even still I began to yell at her, telling her that she fucking lied to me, and why the fuck would she lie to me. She stood up, and I could hear her voice in my head–the first time she ever ’spoke’ with a human voice, one that sounded in my mind.
The only lies that where ever told issued from your own heart. Each stripe on my back represents the weight you carried alone, and the stripes on my face represent the tears you left unshed. Let go. Surrender yourself, and live.
At that moment a strange feeling that even now I can’t describe came over me. My arms, formally up with my hands balled into fists in a defensive gesture typical of the angry, slumped down at my sides. My hands open, palms out like a fucking dominionist seeking rapture, my eyes closed. Cheetah lept then, she lept right at me, and there was a wet-snapping sound that went off like a gunshot as she bit into my throat, whipping my head back and snapping my neck. I then watched as she proceeded to consume my body, and yet at the same time I felt myself becoming one with her. I’m frustrated, because some of this genuinely goes beyond description. What happened next was she laid down in the desert and gave birth to me again, and let me suckle at her breasts, and I seemed to go through a rapid childhood which at the same time seemed almost endless, and by the time the song was over I felt as if I had been hit by a freight train, I was shaking all over and my eyes where glazed like I was crying, something that doesn’t happen too often with me.

Motherfucking wild.

Random

First, a bit of news: IAmShaman.com is offering a 25% discount on all Salvia products before the Illinois bill SB0226 passes.

Also, I just completed an essay on domestic dogs as totems. Something new and interesting I felt like throwing out there. My mind is full of weird or new ideas that I really need to take the time to write down. Now all I have to do is decide on a home for it–do I submit it for an online publication, or do I just say ‘fuck it’ and post it on my site?

In the works is an essay on alchemical transgenderism. Bit of a mouthful, but it’ll make more sense once I get it all down. I’m already halfway through the rough draft.

Writing

Right now I’m sitting on my bed amongst a nest of my canine skins, laptop at the ready, trying to get myself prepared to write an essay. Writing used to come so easily to me, but over the past year my skills in this area have rusted. The thought of picking it up again is both exhilirating as well as daunting, and my only hope is that the fruits of my labor will be rewarded with something worth publishing. Its nice to know that I have people who are confident in my writing (probably more confident than I am!) and are willing to offer me advice, encouragement and criticism. Starting today I take the plunge. Here goes nothing. Or everything.

Speaking of writing, I just finished a very interesting essay by Taylor Ellwood. It had me thinking on things that most people really don’t think about when writing, but really should. It even had me stopping for a moment, and thinking back to my past writings, and wondering how I did in fact cite things in my work. Needless to say it was good timing coming across this, something I’ll keep in mind for future reference.

Fear And Truth

What is man without the beasts? If all the beasts were gone, men would die from great loneliness of spirit, for whatever happens to the beasts also happens to man. All things are connected. Whatever befalls the earth befalls the children of the earth.
~Chief Seattle
Suqwarmish and Duwarmish

I guess that best describes the recent tangents and discussions I’ve been thinking on lately. I got into one at work just today, because my coworkers thought I was crazy for loving pitbulls. People fear what they don’t understand, and there seems to be a whole load of fear in this society. With fear we will never progress, which is one of the reasons why I’m trying to work on my own personal fears. I would recommend viewing the above video. I find it very fucking powerful, as well as eye-opening (I also like the song too–Afraid Of Me, by Twiztid).

Just as an aside, one of my goals is to adopt a pitbull one day. They’re one of my favorite dogs.

With the death of fear there comes the resurrection of truth. Spread it like a virus.

Hermetic Dogs

In June of this month I will be attending Wolf Intensive Weekend at WolfPark. This is a very important trip for me, something I have been eagerly awaiting for awhile. I’ve always wanted to visit WolfPark, and I’m strongly considering adopting one of their coyotes there as an offering to Coyote. To me, the coyote has always been a very alchemical animal, the ‘Hermes of the West’, and ‘God’s dog’. It is also my primary totem, one that has been with me for my entire life and has helped shaped much of what made me who I am today. The way I work with Coyote and coyote-energy is my own amalgam entirely, though I do enjoy the aboriginal stories of Coyote and how he’s honored, depending on the tradition. My two coyote pelts, ‘Maya’ (a western coyote) and ‘Nigredo’ (an eastern coyote) are very important to me in connecting with these energies. An example of just how transformative the coyote can be is how it seems to endure despite overwhelming human assault, and how it has transformed itself as it moved farther east across the U.S. This to me is something that was always inspiring.

This is a mostly random post that I could elaborate on, but a brewing migraine is preventing me from doing so currently. Joy.